It's Not You - It's Gluten

My gluten free journey...

When you are first told that you have to live a gluten free lifestyle, although dramatic, it is kind of like the word has chewed you up and spat you back out – leaving you a fragile mess having to fend for yourself. Back in November 2017, when I was at my lowest; health had plummeted, dramatic weight loss – causing concern for friends and family and ultimately just that undeniable sense and desire to just ‘give up’. The way you are programmed to eat throughout your entire life has been scrapped and you are sitting left wondering, “so what can I eat?”.

Now, please believe me when I say that if I were to read that previous sentence two years ago back when I was blissfully consuming gluten, I would have screwed my face up and shrugged, following up with some unhelpful comment such as “isn’t it only bread and pasta you can’t eat? Surely that isn’t so bad?”. More fool me. During the initial eradication period, it felt like gluten was in everything. The main thing that annoys me now, although hypocritical, is the ignorance of some people that it can be a medical requirement for someone to live a gluten free life. Back when I worked as a waitress part time, when someone asked if we had a gluten free menu, although smiling politely to the customer I would feel a sense of annoyance, that someone was making me go out my way to provide for their fad diet. Don’t get me wrong, you did get some folk that would insist on a gluten free starter, although chowing down on their garlic bread that came with their regular lasagne come their mains.

Looking back, I kick myself daily for my upmost willingly ignorant attitude I had when it came to the gluten free palate; health or fad. Now I can confirm I was never negligent or ill informed, however I would have treated customers with more compassion and provided them with the confidence (that I now seek) that their meal would be safe to eat. The only upside is that now when I go out to eat somewhere and request a gluten free menu or challenge the server over where the gluten free pizzas are cooked, I understand their confusion and lack of empathy and generally can gauge if they give a crap if you get ‘glutened’ or not.

Even though this entire blog post has seemed like moan after moan, on a positive side - things are looking up. Since my official 'diagnosis', there seems to be a vast increase on food outlets offering safe gluten free options, supermarkets seem to be extending their increasingly small aisle spaces offering more gluten free choice to indulge in at home, and general knowledge is on the increase.  In a sense, it seems to be safer to eat outside the confinement of the walls of your kitchen.

Reverting back to my previous statement on wanting to 'give up'. Now I know to someone who doesn't suffer from either Coeliac Disease or Non-Coeliac Gluten Intolerance, it seems a bit pathetic to hear. Living with either condition, in itself is a daily battle just to function. 

I've touched lightly on a previous post about 'my story', reflecting back, I was in a horrible place and I just didn't see any hope. At the time of diagnosis, I was miserable; constantly striving for sleep, cramping and bloating that would leave you crippled over for days and bowel movements so erratic quite simply leaving you tied to the toilet for an entire afternoon. I think it was a mix of the battling daily the symptoms, being unable to make concrete plans as until the day I wouldn't know "how my stomach was behaving" that peaked my anxiety. Simple day to day exercises such as leaving the house filled me with fear and dread. I remember the day I returned from seeing my consultant, armed with the knowledge that I could no longer eat food that I loved, social gatherings I could no longer enjoy, the exclusiveness of the condition and panic for the future, knowing I could still feel like this from years to come. I wanted to simply hide under my covers and cry for eternity (I lasted about a week before my boyfriend hauled me back into civilisation).

For those that don't know, a quick summary is that coeliac disease is a serious illness where the body's immune system attacks its own tissues when you consume gluten, causing damage to the lining of the gut meaning the body can't properly absorb nutrients from food. Gluten is a protein found in: wheat, barley and rye. It is not an allergy or food intolerance. It effects one in 100 people yet only 30% who have the condition have been diagnosed. Some folk on the other hand, like myself, experience only the gut symptoms when eating foods containing gluten. NCGI symptoms are similar to those with coeliac disease - at the present time there is no indication on how the immune system may be involved and there does not appear to be damage to the lining of the gut.

For both conditions, symptoms can range from mild to severe and you are typically to endure the following should either affect you: bloating, diarrhoea, nausea, wind, constipation, tiredness, mouth ulcers, anaemia and in some cases, sudden or unexpected weight loss.

(AM and PM of the same day - accidently consumed gravy containing gluten)

It actually dawned on me writing this blog post in how far I have actually come in dealing with my diet. Not that I don't still have the occasional bad day, or week. Recently, my dietician has ordered me into the elimination faze of the low fod-map diet and believe me when I say, I cannot believe I thought giving up gluten was hard - that was a doddle compared to the minefield of low fod-map foods and eating on the go. Gary actually mentioned the other week about how he has been mentioned in all of my blog posts to date, it was about time I gave him an honourable mention at that - he has been my rock through the past year. I'm usually not one to big up his ego, however he has picked me up on my worst days, been my punch bag for the stages in which I wanted to give up and helped me see that life goes on after gluten. He will be the first person to admit that his knowledge was scarce on the gluten free way of living, however since seeing me sat across from him in a restaurant has gave him a kick up the bum into implementing easy to read gluten free menus in all of his Coffee Shops. After all, it puts a dampener on date night when an A4 binder is dumped in front of you to go searching for a meal you would deem gluten free as the restaurant do not want liability should you encounter cross contamination.

I would never have dreamed 11 months ago that my life quality would improve so much that I can now freely make plans, book holidays, a list of GF safe havens I could eat at. My weight has maintained, although now I have the energy to be back at the gym I'm finally seeing my bum reappear and I'm gaining muscle. My ribs are no longer visible through my chest, my shoulders aren't as bony looking and I'm starting to look less 'scrawny'. Back when I was at my lowest, the worst thing anyone could say to me was "at least it's not..." "It's not a big deal, it's only gluten", I could literally have burst with rage. Every time. You cannot tell someone something isn't that bad to face for life when you have never faced it yourself. Scanning labels for even medication isn't something anyone would happily take on, knowing it will last a life time. Reading online forums was my saviour, it was amazing being able to offload to a group of people that understand every exact emotion you are battling with. It's time to stop being embarrassed of the condition, embrace it and spread awareness of it. It's not just a fad diet, it isn't recommended for weight loss and it's a pretty crap thing for anyone having to deal with.